Kenyan Humour

  THE CREATION THEORY This history book chooses to expand on the Adam and Eve story wherein we know that they reproduced and their children moved in all sorts of directions from the Garden of Eden to the Congo forest where the Bantus came from. They entered Kenya through a route in Western Province and the Kurias and the Kisiis decided to settle at the border and developed their own language. The Luhyas, Kikuyus, Merus and Embus proceeded eastwards and wherever they settled, they developed a new language. We must admit that they were brain-boxes seeing that we have only managed to develop Sheng which we have heavily borrowed from them anyway. They settled around Mt. Kirinyaga. The Kambas proceeded to the Eastern side of the mountain, and were happy to inform the Europeans who will come in the following pages that the mountain was called Mt. Kiinyaa . The Europeans decided it had too many vowels and reduced it to Mt. Kenya from where we also get the name of our beloved country....

  Yesterday I gave the introduction to our history.  Today we shall look at our origin. CHAPTER ONE FROM WHENCE WE CAME   The history of Kenya begins with two theories depending on how much faith one has. There is the Bible story in which God creates Adam and gives him some strong sleeping pills and forks out a rib from his side. Then he (God), crafts a woman from it and they eat the forbidden fruit, and he throws them out of his garden. They multiply outside of his garden and they start spilling into the rest of the globe. Some in the tropics get sun-scorched and black and end up in Africa and in Kenya. If you got a little more faith, you can believe that the world was a particle that exploded in the Big Bang, prompted by nothing and it became the earth and threw dinosaurs onto the northern part of Kenya which later developed into Zijanthropus and built primitive habitations around Lake Turkana. The Zinj crawled on their stomachs and then one day they were struc...

INTRODUCTION This is a sort of the history of Kenya.  They say, that if a people do not know where they are coming from they might forget and just take the same route and go back.  So we thought we should help us not to go back to most of our history. We warn you, readers, that this history has few facts and is mostly made of heresies, half-truths and untruths from the writers’ imaginations, who due to their low ability to be engrossed in things that do not matter anymore, were thrown out of the history class in high school. Parents are warned that children must not read this while they are still studying the lesson of history.  Only when they are insightful enough to tell the difference between a white elephant and a white lie should you let them read this blog. As for history teachers, you would do well to read it.  It might encourage you to write your own book in the sense of, “If people can read this kind of history, we too would be darned!” We shall of...