Wednesday, April 7, 2010

NO CONSTITUTION PLEASE

People we have been duped! We have the worst draft constitution in the whole wide world and we are being told by experts, to quote Prof. Yash Pal Ghai, that in the circumstances it is the best which means that Kenya is in the pit and that all hope for a good constitution is lost.

I sensed this hopelessness when the Periodic Selective Conformists (PSC) who are now using the euphemism Parliamentary Select Committee on the Constitution went down to Naivasha and came out in agreement. You do know by now that when our politicians agree on anything it has to do with allowances. No wonder they could not wait to go back to Naivasha but their colleagues wanting a share of the 'cake', blocked their return to the capital city of Happy Valley and so they all agreed to troop to KIA to go introduce all sorts of amendments only to withdraw every one of them last Thursday in Parliament, after sitting in the House into the night and interrupting all TV programming.

Finally they have agreed on having 356 of their breed in the August House which translates to increasing confusion and corruption and generally lowering our national intelligence which is already at an all time low by 60%. Can you imagine a house with 60% more of dis-Hon. Mbugua (MP for Kamukunji) who has single handedly taken political stupidity to a new level? I am sure he will be coming right through his computer for my neck but I got to perform my national duty of warning us that we are digging a grave for Kenya if by God we pass this draft constitution.

Hon. Kalonzo Musyoka, who by the way is a lawyer and you would expect that he would know better came right out and piously told us that this draft constitution is the stupidest any country can pass, but it is better to have the stupidest New constitution in the entire civilized world than have an old one. This sounded to me like an extreme sports trainer who tells me 'Flo, this chute isn't 100% safe. It might not even open as you come hurtling down 35000ft in the sky dive which means that you will break your skull and spine and all your limbs and every other little bone in your body not to mention that the rest of you will be mince meat from impact. But not to worry, we have the best doctors and they are well able to join you up all over again.' No, honestly I realize I have used the word stupid more than is necessary but when something is stupid, it doesn't matter how much you use the word - it remains stupid.

If you have been following the making of this constitution, you will remember that the politicians told us that we needed a new constitution because the President had too much power. They told us that we needed a Prime Minister to cut the President down to size. Did they change anything about the President's powers? No. What did they do? Nothing. Thank God for the coalition government, now we realize the PM's role in the government is to irk and to be irked by the President. Then they told us that the post election violence was caused by the bad constitution which I have never set my eyes upon, but I can bet my life that the Lancaster lot did not write anywhere in our current constitution that it is ok to steal an election and then encourage Kenyans to hack each other with pangas. No. These same politicians did it even though the constitution forbid such stupidity (there I go again.) And we are lying to ourselves to think that a new constitution will change our country. My conviction is that we need a new breed of politicians.

And what the hell got into President Barack Obama? Since he was elected President of the USA, he has avoided us like the plague and justifiably so, but how can he endorse a draft constitution that he hasn't even read? Wuod Kogelo this time round you are too way out on a limb about the draft constitution. Sir, you have just hyper-ed corruption and bad governance and brought down the land of your forefathers. The only good thing is that you don't get to vote at the referendum.

For our Muslim brothers "Allahu Akbar" Allah forbid that his servants the Kadhis should sit at every Magistrate's court with begging bowls to collect kafirs' monies, because you, our brothers can no longer support them at the mosques. Allah forbid.

So Kenyans, unless we have acquired the brains of Mogotio goats, as Whispers ole Soilo (God rest his soul) used to say, lets bring down this constitution. I am on my way to get a new voter's card.

For those of you who are regulars here, sorry about last week. I was mourning my beloved country that is why I went mteja but I am back and I am bad, as always.

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