Kenyan Humour

Last weekend I attended a wedding and just before I settled, a friend of mine who I will call George, because that happens to be his real name, sidled up to me and asked me to write a wedding column. Suddenly I was converted from a guest to a journalist and ended up having absolutely no fun. So, George I would like you to know that you ruined my day at the wedding and I will look for a day that you have set your mind on 'enjoy' and will pay you back with interest. That was not the first day my day at a wedding was ruined. I guess that weddings hate me because, before this wedding that George ruined, I had several go worse and it had been like eons since the last one I had attended. It happened that most of my friends were wedding and I was shuttling from one wedding to the next and finally, all my friends were coupled and amazingly they started feeling odd around me. So they started trying to hook me up and soon weddings started to sound like job interviews or TV auditions ...

Finally Mother Nature cracked up about being ignored and had us grounded. I could imagine her saying 'Just because they have mobile phones and the Internet they think they run the show? I will once again prove that they are not as independent of me as they have come to believe'. And so the Icelandic Volcano erupted and we, who lost our tails is it over a million years ago? were huddled at airports because an ash cloud had spread all over the first world. Hahaha. I don't know why but it gives me the kick to just write the first world. If I was saying it, I would have said it nice and slow. The (pause) First (pause) World. As if the Icelandic Volcano eruption was not enough, suddenly there was an eruption of experts too - Volcanists and Ash-cloudists. Just last week I heard on television that they had found another Homo- (didn't bother about the word that followed) in South Africa. With this latest discovery, me thinks it is time we stop digging dirt and think ab...

A month ago, I thought that I had penned the last word on the draft constitution. Now it won't go away and it is all I have gobbled the last week and so I am spluttering it out to you my fans. This is a debate I have come to abhor because it has no fodder for Kenyan Humour - sure check the top of this blog, it is Kenyan Humour and the constitution is not funny. It is a serious almost morbid book, draft, document, whatever. It is even more serious than the Bible. At least the Bible breaks into the Song of Solomon after every verse in the previous books (the Proverbs) has depressed you by confirming that you are not the wisecrack you have always believed yourself to be, and Ecclesiastes, in an attempt to lift your spirits, reminds you that 'Life is meaningless, a chasing after the wind'. The constitution gives you no such break even though right now our politicians are telling us that it is 'better'. The only better that I like is the one of 'Better a live ...

People we have been duped! We have the worst draft constitution in the whole wide world and we are being told by experts, to quote Prof. Yash Pal Ghai, that in the circumstances it is the best which means that Kenya is in the pit and that all hope for a good constitution is lost. I sensed this hopelessness when the Periodic Selective Conformists (PSC) who are now using the euphemism Parliamentary Select Committee on the Constitution went down to Naivasha and came out in agreement. You do know by now that when our politicians agree on anything it has to do with allowances. No wonder they could not wait to go back to Naivasha but their colleagues wanting a share of the 'cake', blocked their return to the capital city of Happy Valley and so they all agreed to troop to KIA to go introduce all sorts of amendments only to withdraw every one of them last Thursday in Parliament, after sitting in the House into the night and interrupting all TV programming. Finally they have agreed o...