Wednesday, February 3, 2010


This week has been dry news wise, that is for those of us who no longer consider the constitution debate newsworthy anymore. So I got down to cleaning my house and changing the newspaper covers that have been in the cupboards since the Nyayo Era and I came across some articles which I thought that even though they are ancient history, they are still worth mentioning.

I am not a proponent of AGEISM, but I am going to say something that will unnerve some of you in the reading audience and as always when I say something unnerving I don't give a rat's behind.

Most of our Presidents should be in classes studying the Internet and mobile telephony. I came across this story which intimated that French President Sarkozy had been robbed on the Internet because he can't keep his 'user name' and password safe. It is possible that at his age and profession he doesn't leave many brain cells devoted to memorizing his personal details. Sir, that is why we carry cards to remind us of these details. There are all sorts of places he could hide such important details including tattooing them on his ring finger so that nobody gets the complete combination.

My interest in the whole matter is how the web thugs got such information. What else do they know about President Sarkozy? My take is that he should be very afraid. This theft raises important questions for us Kenyans like - Is our President's money safe? We do know that the former President's money was safe because he carried it all in his motorcade to distribute it to poor wananchi all over the country but what about President Kibaki's? Does he have a bank account? Probably he has a bank Branch at Statehouse with a teller. Does he have an ATM? How many times do you think his card has been 'swallowed'? hahaha

These are weighty questions because I promise you my fellow citizens that if we ever home-grew web thugs that siphoned the President's money we would all be locked up in police cells as investigations are carried out. In the meantime Dr. Alfred Mutua would be holding press conferences to deny

(i) That the President's money was siphoned and
(ii) That the whole country is locked up in police cells and prisons pending investigations.

So I want to belatedly invite President Sarkozy to visit our African Presidents and ask them how come their money is never stolen? They'll first laugh at him (which is a small price to pay) and then advise him that presidents keep their monies in Swiss Banks with user names that would be useless to web thugs because they are changed every two hours.

Away from presidents and their monies, I came across another story that I think should concern us. We have nowhere to be buried! Lang'ata cemetery is full and are we supposed to be afraid? Let me give you my personal opinion about my burial - It is the sole reason God gives us relatives and friends and the government. So I have no need to go reserving a grave for myself. And if we are building skyscrapers why not bottomscrapers? We can have burial places that are several graves below ground. This is just an idea I would like the City Council to explore and if it materializes, all I ask for is acknowledgement, and a free grave!

N.B. The doctors are now telling us that life starts when one is born. Where did they go to school? Weren't we taught that living things grow? That is why I don't discuss the constitution anymore because people are becoming bizarre.

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