When Hon. Wetangula dared to retaliate against the U.S. Embassy's continual issuance of visa cancellation threats, I did not sleep waiting to get ideas for a major motion picture. I thought that the now self-proclaimed 'Mundu khu Mundu' would take such drastic correctional measures against the US Embassy and that we would wake up to the sounds of roaring Concorde engines racing against time coming to evacuate the Embassy and anyone who is remotely American. I wanted to be there to witness the historical occurrence and thereby quit writing this column and become a film producer. As it turned out, the Minister was as usual making empty threats, which he had made us think that this was a serious (un) diplomatic Tsunami coming against the U.S. It turned out to be little cans of hot air and now I have lost the opportunity to become a major motion pictures producer.
I am not one who gives up easily and I am suggesting to our media houses to stop airing this U.S.- Kenya governments tiff as a 'News Item' and produce a sitcom to be aired before or after the Prime Time News and a comic strip for the newspapers.I have written the first two episodes of the sitcom which only seconds 'Cobra Squad' in lack of creativity.
Ambassador Ranneberger in an undisclosed government office with Hon. Wetangula, Hon. Mutula Kilonzo and the AG Amos Wako.
Ranneberger (handing out papers to the three gentlemen):Your visas to the US have been canceled. This declares that you are unwelcome, uninvited guests to the US.
Hon. Wetangula: I am a 'Mundu khu Mundu'
Hon. Mutula Kilonzo: Please SHUT UP! Please
Amos Wako (with his usual grin): I am retiring. I will head East. (A few seconds later) Wait a minute. I am going to sue the tar out of the U.S. government. You can't tell me where to go or not go.
(This second episode is informed by the way the U.S. assistant secretary for African Affairs, Johnny Carson has been reading what the media calls the 'Riot Act', pretty much the same way a mouse would dash for a maize cob in a starved cats infested field).
Ambassador Ranneberger and Johnny Carson wearing comical Jerry (from Tom and Jerry) outfits dash out of the Ambassador's residence, read the 'Riot Act' and dash back to the residence.
Outside, Journalists representing the Tom family, wearing comical Tom outfits take pictures and write notes.
I will give tips for the third episode. Replace Johnny Carson with U.S. Ambassador for War crimes Stephen Rapp. This is a new one and probably needs to wear the Scooby Doo outfit. The only difference with Scooby Doo is that he too is afraid of the Kenyan press and dashes out and in of Ranneberger's house and straight to the airport.
Sitcom or no sitcom, this behaviour is unbecoming and the two countries should show more mature diplomacy between them.