Kenyan Humour

I am concerned about the rising number of hate mail that I receive every week from people complaining that I waste their time every week as they read my 'nonsensical' column on my blog, if you can imagine. The internet has jillion zillion pages and someone sits at his or her computer, stealing an employer's time, reads this nonsensical column and then writes me hate mail vividly re-writing the parts that did not please him. So I have decided to go back to school and complete what I began to study from the beginning which I believe had nothing to do with human beings. I want to take a Master's degree in Mosquito Psychology. Now keep your hate mail. I am not goofing on this one. The reason I am taking the course is first so that I may understand how a mosquito's mind has developed and hopefully anticipate how far it is going to develop before I finally get tired of this life and call it quits. I am saying this because today's mosquitoes are not the same ins...

Hon Mwakwere is an entertaining man and should this country ever need the Ministry of Entertainment we shall not need to look far for its Minister. This is a man who gets 'disappointed' when a ferry stalls and 'pleasantly surprised' when a ferry, purely by chance, belches people onto Mombasa Island or the South Coast. Speaking with a smirk on his face about the pleasant surprise of not seeing approximately 5000 Kenyans (a large proportion being his constituents) being turned into fish food within secs, he revealed that it would be no little thrill for him. Though for Mwakwere a stalled ferry only makes him a little disenchanted, the pictures that go on in the mind of a passenger on a stalled ferry can kill him (the passenger) even before the humongous vessel goes down. He imagines the middle part of his body in the mouth of a shark, a whale zooming straight for his head and a giant octopus wrapping its arms around his legs, making a nice little package of human legs a...

I love the apprentice show on TV and it is a high time for the TV guys to bring back the programme. At least it stimulates my brain to wholesome thinking, if you know what I am talking about. After being bombarded with local TV programs that to say the least keep me away from my box rather than glue me to it, we need something worth the while especially in a new year. I hope that those involved in the industry will see the point of sending some local programs to hell. I like watching the Apprentice show because it reminds me of when I was once a business management apprentice myself hahaha! That answers some of you who have been sending me insulting emails asking whether I have ever seen the inside of a classroom. Like many apprentices we see on the show, I was fired before I was hired. That is how I ended up writing a silly column. So we went to this apprenticeship- six of us straight from college. They told us that we were the best. That we would be trained to become business...

I have these insects that have erected their nests (or what do you call insect housing?) in my bed. They have decided that they are going to eat it down from below and when I discovered how they have been slowly sawing my bed, I was not just unnerved, I became hysterical! My mind raced through the options and the first one was to call Hon. Ruto, the Minister for Agriculture. I remembered that it is his Ministry that deals with issues insects. The most scary thing that came to mind was what they would do to the mattress and even worse to me when they start sawing through my bones. So I called the Ministry and when I asked to talk to Hon. Ruto, and explained what my problem was, the person who answered the call advised me to call the Ministry of Livestock. I forgot the name of the Minister but asked to talk to him anyway but I was told he was only dealing with pastoralists at the time. If I tell you that my heart sank, I will be lying. I was alarmed, worse because the government n...